33. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. Long Haul Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . 3. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? Marine: Wait, stop. The Best Military Jokes: Jokes for Every Branch - Reader's Digest These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. Semper Pie 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2023 Edition) - Marine Approved As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Ive been sandblasted.. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? March forth! Dont think so? The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. We were a tough group. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. 54. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Full Disclosure Here. The reason? Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. Military Aviation - Technology: Where it Started and Where it's Going Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Our Teams Favorite Pilot Jokes - AOPA All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. Flight Announcements 4. Killed bin Laden. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. 1. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? I was the cook.. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . 2. What would As A.J. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. Soldier: Sure, buddy. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? 11. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. 29. Me: Still the wrong number. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Looking for military boot camp jokes? My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! Discussion Board on this Military Joke. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. He is the Founder and . It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. 38. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. If pilots screw up, they die. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Caller: Is Sgt. ! Funny Military Jokes | Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps - VetFriends The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? More information More like this The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Then came Dads ships turn. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Because the Army needed heroes too. Me: No, I dont. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! Read more. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. Decodes 7. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. USA: Choppers The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. Yes, said the lieutenant. USMC: OHH! But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. If you cant pick it up, paint it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. Military Jokes Military Humor - StrategyPage Im 81 years old, he answered. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Of course, he responded. The Army will post guards around the building. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. He nodded. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Caller: Do you have his right number? Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. 46. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. But I had the last laugh. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Stay out of clouds. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. 3. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. Thanks. Eat up! Caller: Is Sgt. Theyre U.S. AF! 8. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. 36. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. She told me she warships them. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Co-Pilot: What?!. Good judgment comes from experience. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? 6. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Me: No. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. . The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? We recommend our users to update the browser. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. How tough? Grandpapa Johns Pizza. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. 28. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? It was sheer brilliance. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes - PPRuNe Forums Me: Hello? If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. The two lads objected strongly. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. Do you have change for a dollar? 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? Where are you from? The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . From the Squawk Sheets - F-16 Why? I asked. Did you hear about the big accident on base? For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. with someone braver than you.'. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Aviation JOKES. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. Air Traffic Control 6. Want more amazing military jokes? The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. military aviation humour - Pilotfriend "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! 2. 41. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Return to Humor Index. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. Anecdotes 2. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. 30+ Best Military Jokes And Puns | Kidadl Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. Rodrigues? It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. Pilots 5. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. 37. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. He had the same plane as yours. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. What does ARMY mean to you? Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? The Marine said Are you crazy? Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). 30. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". ! Again, no reply. 42. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. What do hungry Marines eat? The Lasting Supper You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. 5. 66. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor - Pinterest My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? Unless you can be Batman. They want their patients to see 20:20! A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. Now he likes peanuts.. We were a tough group. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. Caller: OK. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? 5. Military Jokes Military Humor - Strategypage.com Later, I spoke with Mom. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Military jokes - Pinterest We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. 18. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. The INFANTry! Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. 3. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Did it work? Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Read more. Why were the Marines invented? Proceed at your own risk. 4. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. What did you do? In-dough-structible What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. There are many branches of the military.
military aviation jokes
military aviation jokes
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