Thats not an uncommon experience. But in the age of smart phones I also find Im going to have to check my email before I say yes to that, so let me get back to you helpful. Answer accordingly. How it came to need an actual (although formulaic) response, Im not sure. Those non-negotiable things come up probably twice a month, at most. Why not be honest? Funny Responses To What Are You Doing Actively waiting for my problems to go away. You're still implying you have a lot going on, but you're demonstrating that you're handling it. If ever there was a moment for the standard Wow script, this surely would be it. Clearly, I am not giving him the answer he wants, but I dont particularly want to keep having the conversation. I appreciate the suggestions about responses, having to deal with a pushy in-law (nosy for information and has a big sense of entitlement). One of my long-time boundaries is I wont date a guy who cant properly carry out an invitation and follow it through. If youre female and you answer, and then he decides your time sounds like it should be at his disposal and asks for a date, and you dont want to go, now youre stuck in that ugly probabilistic space where various sorts of threats, anger, and violence may be coming at you. Updog. Speak to US respectfully. )in a way that seems to be back firing. I am a pessimist, so I assume I am pissing someone off if theres the slightest ambiguity in communication. Three-day weekends would be perfect if they were just four days longer. I have a couple of friends/acquaintances(sp? It took some practice, but I always try to give an out for people, especially since I have a group of Japanese friends where theyre used to giving a soft no. Thanks, I woke up like this. Usually, the asker will tell me why they asked after I answer, no matter what the answer is (busy, not busy, dont know). The kind of situation where someone finds out you are free that evening and then says, Good! (Seriously? I think part of it, too, is that I have mental health issues and physical issues so sometimes the questions make me feel pressured to have a good weekend. as much as it is practicing not giving into pressure to give an explanation of your schedule OR an immediate answer. ooh. More detailed/truthful responses are typically only shared with close friends or family. Im much better at saying no now, and I realize that in most situations saying no is a perfectly socially acceptable answer. "Spend some time this weekend on home improvement. I know this is a small complaint, in the grand scheme of things, and I usually handle it by changing the subject to something Im interested in if I *do* feel like conversing. He hardly ever asks anymore though. (Remember the FIRST part of what I saidthat Ive been careful to respect her autonomy since she was a teen. At least once I figured out that they genuinely *didnt* need to know anything about me if they were going to behave that way I could default to oh my god Im so busy! And we do know that extreme surveillance is a very brutal and destructive form of torture. They are called Saturday and Sunday." - Anonymous 3. Lets just say there were a few comments along the lines of look, if this Pampered Chef isnt your personal yaoi cup of tea, thats fine, but do you have to be so judgy about what your friends into?, Exactly! @TootsNYC If you want your daughter to do her share of chores, it is a better idea not to tell her to take the trash out (now or in the next couple of hours) but rather have a family meeting at the beginning of the week, talk about what needs to be done (not only stuff that you consider important but also stuff that your daughter considers important) and then you talk about who does what. She can of course say, Im taking some mental-health time, and live with whatever fallout from being an unhelpful family member. That is my current standard response. So I said, Dont do this. At the same time, someone can just say oh not much if they dont wanna share, which is what I do if my plans that night are private eg therapy. IDK. that kind of thing), whereas work is seen as almost virtuous, as my family holds work/money in high regard, and my hours are unusual enough that no one can remember what they are. So the reframing may help. A little of this, a little of that. With some people, though, perfect honesty might be the best solution if you expect them to follow you closely in social media: Uh oh, that week is really busy and I am going to be very tired and stressed in [time]. I had a hard time staying employed and taking care of myself because I have a chronic illness, and the alternative to living with my parents would be to figure out how to apply for section 8 housing and Disability, both of which have a long wait list. If someone asks me the question, I am happy, because that means they are probably inviting me somewhere. but I agreeparents of adult children (Hell, parents of NOT adult children) need to be more respectful of their childrens time and energy. Its an opener, like Hot enough for you? Or How about that sportsquad at the sportsmatch? The content of your answer is secondary to the dynamic of conversation. Question. Situation #4: You have to say "no.". But that was fun and consensual for both parties. That way they know Im not just sitting around with nothing to do, so I havent just signed myself up for free babysitting or moving services. Doesnt work with friends / family obviously, but I have to consult my husband every single time when it comes to sales pitches / offers in retail / invitations from strangers etc. But *I* am entitled to enact some of that fallout myselfits not all about her, shes not the only one who gets to be offended and feel pushed around, etc. "Weekends are days to refuel your soul and to be grateful for the blessings that you have." - Anonymous 2. Sorry about that! It doesnt matter if those plans are eating candy while watching Netflix with no pants on, they technically are plans. No more Did I say sunday I meant saturday, now you have to change all your weekend plans ever again. Great Responses to "What are you doing?" - HubPages I think LW is unable to separate people doing something that they personally find annoying, and people intentionally trying to annoy them. I felt really connected to LW upon reading the letter! What are you doing this weekend? They may want to squee about something exciting, or vent about something theyre dreading, but theyd feel rude unless they ask you first. Soft invites in my friend circle are more just a mutually understood shorthand for I value your friendship so Im going to express a genuine desire to hang out even were both depressed and introverted and therefore the likelihood of this actually happening is pretty low.. No matter how old you are, you don't want to be badgered about your life choices. Good enough. My instinct leads me to: answer back in the affirmative (great) because Performing Happy is expected of us, thank them for their interest (thanks), and repeat the gesture (yourself?). 3. I can see where laundry might be a perfectly good excuse NOT to go with your aunt to somewhere you dont want to go. But of course Im going to judge her reason for refusing. And because family members pitch in. I think there is something to be said for family relationships between adults where the balance is between emotional labor and responsibility for the home rather than money. They dont ask if you want to do the thing and then you are able to tell them (and if you were busy, youd probably mention that when declining). That way your daughter can organize her time (which is an important adult skill) and gets some input on what is a chore and how important it is (which allows her to build other adult skills) and she wont get interrupted that much (which to you doesnt feel that way but her story looks probably very different). That would create some damage. Also I have learned to give hard noes. Funny Response to How Are You There are many fun things we could say and people will think that you're smart and interesting! That is AMAZING and I love Gladys (and you) and that is going directly into my repertoire for Dealing With Those Extroverts. These guys then hope the girl will then respond with relating a fun anecdote, to which the guy will respond by asking a question or two to keep her talking, and then hell think, Great! If I have no specific plans, she thinks my time is hers (but you said you were doing nothing! and she likes to be like cousin in example 3, re her children doing lots of stuff for her because thats what good kids are supposed to do (and if were not performing like good kids, then shes a bad mother ~guilt guilt~) and she doesnt like to ask directly* so it often comes across as manipulative or passive-aggressive). 04 Mar 2023 17:27:26 Apparently, social people use this question as a test to see if you are really one of them. You wonder where he'll take you. At the very least, it makes you feel like the place you live isnt really your homethat youll never belong or be from there, that you have no claim to it. Its technically true and covers pretty much any emotion you might be feeling. So that golden rule requires a bit of pre-invitation sounding-out. Im not sure it would work on modern creepy dudes. Shes right to find it othering and exhausting. There are some funny responses to "what are you going to do with your life" for when your family keeps asking you the same dull questions. I really appreciate the feedback from the Captain and other commenters about the need to own my time and feel more confident in my right to respond when and how I want to. Kind of a random revelation after reading everyones advice and responses: I think this is up for me right now because Im new to the online dating world and, because of my past experience with my family, I am having a hard time telling if the question is of the innocuous kind (like when co-workers ask my plans for the weekend), a soft opening to trying to ask me out, or the kind of manipulation that Ive, for better or for worse, learned to be on alert for. Here we're providing you with some better ways to respond to when your partner or girlfriend says, I hate you when you know they say it jokingly. (Seriously? men. Okay, there is something a bit screwy with this guy. BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! interactions that I think stand a significant chance of blowing up in peoples faces. I just wanted to add that in my experience as a POC in a white majority country its mostly been well-meaning people who have made me feel discriminated against. When a friend asks and I find out that I am busy I often offer some other day to show them that I am interested in hanging out with them. The only exceptions are: 1. I also find why do you ask? really handy as a polite way to signal someone is being nosy. The professor went to the restroom. My nos are not because I dont like you! Of course I only say that to the people I like lol. 30 Best Bumble Prompt Answers for Guys (with Screenshots) - emlovz If Im bothered by the question, I usually answer back with why ? or why do you ask ?. I love organizing events and I confess to having asked that annoying question several times, mostly in order to know if a particular friend I would love to invite is available on that date. It can be a white lie! Can we not use spaz/spazzy, please? Remember, . Can I get back to you later? In truth that is an honest answer, my schedule would fall like a house of cards without my calendar and unless it is an emergency I truly have to check it. D- Dearest relaxing days. I think youre right in general, although I dont find items 2 and 3 problematic at all. Any/all such inquiries get an automatic Unsure have to ask my other half., Sans that Id just go with Unsure. no one tries to rope me into something). Maybe shorter comments go through immediately but longer ones need mod-approval? 110 Weekend Quotes to Wish You a Restful Break - Quote Ambition its differential equations, 2. Its not extreme when your life has several of those sharks who ask that just to trap you. 2. 53 Fun Things You Can Do This Weekend - LifeHack Just ask! Another option is to have certain chores that a certain person does (e.g. And asking someone what theyre doing is not the same as issuing an invitation. I can see how doing anything on thee weekend is small talk, but that would only count if the person is someone you are not on visiting terms with, like most of my colleagues. Others also have lives to plan and need to know (cancel event, find someone else, make other plans). [Note to my friend who also reads CA, this is not you ], I tend to do direct invites, sometimes with a range of possible dates, but I have occasionally done the We should do [X] sometime! and had months go by without getting around to organizing [X], even if Ive extended other invitations to the person also interested in [X]. Assholes. I have not observed him asking this many questions to other bank customers, not that I hang out in there much, and maybe they give him more satisfactory/interesting answers). "It's going well.". (I know that I dont want to is in fact a perfectly valid excuse. If you have plans, just say so. As others have mentioned, if I say yes Im free and then they offer something I dont want, then I *really* feel the pressure to say yes because Ive already essentially told them I have nothing better to do. Sometimes this takes several rounds before everyone realizes theyve done their line but missed their cue. Make up a lease and sign it. Life is filled with lots of required thing that some folks loathe and others either like or dont care either way. Ive learned a lot of strategies.). I read that post all the time. Have a very happy weekend! More and more, Ive been owning that I dont ever have to say yes. I will have to remember, the next time I must declare myself to a new prospective partner, to offer up the alternative plan of talking about dinosaurs for the next ten minutes and then never bringing it up again. 17 Funniest Running Memes - Which One's Do You Relate To? - RunToTheFinish I get that I might not be asked to future events as well. I always just say What do you have in mind? It hasnt failed me yet! If you can walk away from them, they're successful. I went to a lot of meetings I did not want to go because of this, cause I pretty much was cornered into it after admitting I have not set plans.. But I like to think that Im better at saying no now, even though people do sometimes react badly. Things have a funny way of working out. The kids DO like my origami and I was able to get in some geometry pointers with that. Except LW specifically said that with the peer-friends who are not using it as entrapment, LW doesnt find it problematic at all. A professor I studied under said she, without thinking about it, had an automatic habit of spotting people likely to do that oh Im so nice to your differentness type of racism and trying to run interference to keep them from saying that crap around her grad students. Instead, choose from these five replies. If you use the same phrasing with suddenly a dramatically different meaning, its not other peoples fault if they dont know youve changed the meaning on them. I wonder if some variety of Im really flattered that you asked and I want to hang bout, but I REALLY need to recharge this weekend, maybe we can set a time that works for both of us? might be a good script? The most generic reply to a compliment is always going to be "thank you". If the emphasis is on you its just a greeting. Or they may feel social pressure to make conversation in the moment, and dont have any other topic at hand. Work it like a weekend warrior! I ticked the following boxes: 1) had conversation, 2) got her to talk about herself, 3) gave her questions so she could talk about herself some more to make her feel good, 4) she was talking to me, AND I saw her smile! You know the parent is deliberately being controlling if that wont work for me gets any variation on, BUT WHYYYYYYYYYYY. Is it a throwaway social nicety, or a veiled attempt to get you to accept a task or invite? If you're taking a vacation and staying home, your clients or coworkers may still expect you to pop into the office and answer their emails. I"m not done loving you!" 7) "It's Friday bitches!! I think you nailed it with that last bit, to an epic degree. In fact there the joke of cant do that, I have to.. (silly excuse of having plans like go wash my hair) that day illustrating that sometimes the white lie of making up plans is an easy way to get out of doing something. is how this has been explained to me, and it makes perfect sense. If they play extra coy with me, Ill just be extra cryptic in return. Gah, I still worry though, like Blueberry Pancaaakes said about her sister, what if she cancels plans she needed or would have enjoyed? As unfathomable as it is to me to want to be out and about with other humans pretty much every night, it is unfathomable to them to want to spend a whole weekend under a blanket with a book. Baking a cake. On Thursday or Friday, its got any plans for the weekend? and on Monday, its do anything fun this weekend? I dont think theyre trying to find it my deep personal secrets, its on the same level as hows it going? or wow, traffic was awful this morning, huh? and I answer at that same level (oh, this and that, how bout you?). Im sure its benignly intended but its intrusive. Speaking about sudden change of moods and plans, and friends getting you: Several years ago, at the phone, ten minutes before a scheduled meeting with my friends in a pub to watch the incoming results of the Brexit referendum. I also love Caps I need to check my calendar and get back to you approach. "It's Friday baby!! I understand how it can be othering and I never ask anyone where theyre from first. The one my family goes with is Surviving. To them I am this exotic other they feel entitled to treat in a certain way because their goodness and its expression is more important than my real and complex experience as a human being.. And so if it happens to me, I wind up agreeing to the thing even if maybe I normally wouldnt have, because now I have no valid excuse for declining. And even if she did pay money (not rentbut to share in the household expense, which is different from rent, even if it is the same amount of money), I would still consider her to be part of my family and as such why WOULDNT she pitch in when I needed her to? To pretend that it wont have a cost societally. Even if its only logistically. Its clearly related to the other ones, not just random strangers. Oh you want to invite me to happy hour [with a bunch of colleagues I hate when theyre sober let alone when theyre drunk]? What are you doing tomorrow? Vacuuming the cat. I tell her every chance I get that Im grateful for all the emotional labor she does with categorizing her friend groups. Ill have to check with E and let you know is super convenient. Well see you at other time, but not in the morning.. Them We need to have lunch soon How am I right now? 1. If they really are trying to manipulate you then Im afraid having just the right words wont fix it you will probably have to say no directly when they finally get to their request. I never thought about the fact that some people might be actually trying to relieve the pressure! - Anthony Burgess - Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week. What the letter-writer is doing seems a bit like foreign people not grasping at first that Americans dont expect How are you? to be answered literally. My vote is toss her out and let her adult. I usually list a few of the things Im doing and treat it as a conversation starter, i.e., ask them about their weekend. Me: Working. I understand that theyre just trying to be friendly and make small talk but it still feels invasive. He didnt mention it at all, and he wasnt big into ice skating in years past, so I assumed he probably just wasnt interested. Published on August 6, 2022. Are you doing anything this Thursday night? whyyyy do you need to know? Or something. I dont understand the point of the question. Theyre expecting to hear seeing a movie and doing some yardwork, not reciting my social security number out loud while treating my intimate medical issues or anything else not normally shared with a crowd. It feels like they expect me to put in the majority of the effort, and it would be nice if once in a while instead of saying I dont see you enough they would say Would you be up for meeting up at the coffee shop on my town on Saturday if [their issues] allow? But its not something thats going to change, so I smile and nod at their noises and continue to plan things with them at exactly the rate I feel like doing so (including making extra effort if theyre going through a really tough thing). If I have to treat her like a grownup, and not like my minor child that I can boss around, she can fucking treat ME like a grownup, and not like her mommy that she takes for granted.. I also like the advice to just tell people I interact with regularly that I dont like that question. Sometimes my kids and I need that to be family time, so were going to block that out going forward., one of those people who force you to be blunt., Indeed, do say to her: Im going to ask you guys to walk to school on your own; trying to coordinate with your family is simply too much stress for us. For grocery store cashiers, I keep the answer short: Wet, on a rainy day, or Need more coffee this one particularly for coffee shop baristas, who probably hear it too often. 1, It feels rude not to ask back. I definitely would never say this to in-law oversteppers. Vulgarity from a total stranger is an instant turnoff. I have one dear friend in particular that has the busiest social life I know. I really enjoyed my years living in the American South, but I realized the day would never come when I wouldnt be seen as an outsider. Turning oxygen into carbon dioxide. There was definitely conflict where trying to balance and figure out fairness, safety, and compassion were difficult and sometimes heated. morning (and then bending my ear the whole way up the road, when if we were alone Id be chatting to my kids, and we quite like that) to the point where the doorbell would go and my kids would be saying oh god no, not them again! and Im shushing them, but feel exactly the same way. Usually people have to give me a straight answer after that. (Whether there will be some negative family fallback I dont know). I feel like my best friend and I do this back and forth a lot, but thats because we understand there are tiers to plans. At least Im bright enough to stay out of the control panel and remember my passwords. You just need to say, like, Oh, not sure yet, how about you?. "Hope you are doing well" is actually a pretty common opening line when people write emails. But I think it tracks beyond that particular experience. The person is clearly saying something bigoted or 2. They dont really need the details, and wouldnt know what to do with them. And they tend to be very very very sure of what counts as racism (nothing they do/say, of course), with an overlay of you should be grateful I am nice to you to wrap it all up. People on a dating site who ask what youre up to on Thursday are not literally asking what youre doing Thursday. If you're worried your co-workers or boss will assume you need more to do if you don't talk about your heavy workload, go for this response.
funny responses to what are you doing this weekend
funny responses to what are you doing this weekend
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